There has been extensive research that shows a strong association with expressing gratitude and experiencing feelings of wellbeing. Some gratitude interventions are now so well known they are now regularly featured on Facebook walls, as people share their ‘3 things I am happy for today’ and encourage their friends to share the post and share their 3 things too.

Gratitude we are told, can increase our feelings of happiness, self-worth and improve our relationships with others. It seems a simple ‘thank you’ means so much more than simple politeness. If we accept that a little gratitude goes a long way, I’m surprised to see that it appears to be very much absent in the world of business, and not just the corporate world.

The Internet has increased our ability to communicate quickly and efficiently with many people within seconds. Gone are the days when one had to write a letter , ‘Dear Sir/Madam’ and finish with ‘your sincerely’, before placing in an envelope and posting. One might think that this would make it easier to fully communicate with each other but it seems to me that the opposite is the case.

Nowadays it seems acceptable to ignore emails unless they fit a certain criteria. I know of people who have spent time filling in and sending off job applications and never receive an acknowledgement or a reply. Many businesses are run without providing a telephone service so that their customers can only communicate by email and are powerless if and when their enquiries are ignored.

Surely, cost can’t be the excuse – there is not postage, no paper. Is it time then? Even if companies are inundated with job applications, why don’t they send an automated response to say, thank you for spending your time filling in our application form and an automated response to those who are not successful? It wouldn’t be personal no, but it would be a big improvement on being totally ignored. Perhaps, people are just too busy and perhaps I’m simply ‘old-fashioned’ about what my Grandmother would have called ‘simple common manners’.

Rather than spending the evening writing a gratitude journal wouldn’t it be easier if we all took responsibility to respond to our emails? Even when thank you means ‘thanks, but no thanks’?

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

Sometimes our pets embarrass us. When the Haddows’ left their dog Fern in the car whilst they went off to visit an art gallery, the boxer dog was not impressed. Well, she did give them 5 minutes but when they still hadn’t returned, she did beeped the horn. Maybe she thought it would have an instant effect and bring her owners running. When it didn’t work she didn’t give up, she just kept her paw firmly planted on the steering wheel and blasted the horn for the next 15 minutes!

It got a lot of attention and people walking past and others nearby wondered what was going on and were drawn towards the car. When they realised that the culprit was a dog it caused a lot of amusement. By the time Mr and Mrs Haddow  returned to their car,  they were surprised to see that a crowd had gathered around it and people were  taking photographs and video. As they got nearer, they realised what Fern had been doing.

One witness explained that the dog had been quiet for the first 5 minutes but then began to protest and  inflicted 15 minutes of noise on everyone. If you can bear to listen here is a snippet of that long 15 minutes.

Now this happened in the UK but it seems that Fern is not alone. A similar thing happened in USA when this dog’s owners were too long in the store, ‘Best Buy’.

and this one –

and this one –

and this one –

and so it goes on. Each do with its own unique style. Poor dogs – some of their humans just seem to be untrainable !!

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

My business partner, Dan Collinson and I hoped to inspire them by sharing some of the tenets of positive psychology. We talked about the theories of mindset, hope, resilience and how it may be applied in daily life. We wanted them to know that they are much more capable than they may realise and help to put them in touch with their strengths instead of their perceived weaknesses. Did we succeed? Were seeds planted? Did anyone’s thoughts change from why, to why not? I hope so.

Twenty-four hours later, I was in the company of teenagers again. This time though, I was in the audience and it was teenagers who had the job to inspire, educate and share their message. I was a guest at the TEDxTeen conference held at the O2 in London.

I was amazed, and I mean this in the true meaning of the word – greatly surprised; astounded; suddenly filled with wonder. I wish the teenagers we spoke to on Friday could have been there too because then they would have seen what we described in words, demonstrated through action. They would have seen what explored potential looks like and heard what it feels like. They would have seen the thrill and joy on the faces of these young people who have engaged with their sense of curiosity, creativity, imagination and love of learning. A perfect demonstration of what intrinsic motivation looks like; doing something for no other reason than the desire to want to.

They would also have heard stories of overcoming adversity and thriving and flourishing in defiance of circumstances that might have caused many others to give up or not even try. There was a common thread of a passion to make change, to resist, to succeed, whatever that might take. We were told how important it is to be authentic, to stay true to self and adopt an attitude of determination to succeed regardless of barriers, challenges and setbacks. Few, are as qualified to offer such wise advice at any age.

It was a Masterclass of how to find meaning and purpose in life. Happiness borne as an outcome, not as a goal.

Did these young people come from privileged backgrounds, cosseted, supported and encouraged? In some cases it was the opposite. What I noticed they all shared in common, was spirit, tenacity and grit. It wasn’t all about thinking, experimenting and developing novel ideas either. There was dance and singing and writing and each performer was linked by energetic creativity.

I won’t attempt to tell their stories, they belong to them and no-one can say them better. Soon you will be able to hear them too on the TEDxTeen website. Here, in order of appearance are the performers.

Shaadow, Makundu Angulo, Meltem Avcil, Mahalia, Rob Greenfield, Zak Abel, Konstantin Avdienko, Safeerah Mughal, Scott Crouch, Ciara Judge, Kash Gaines, Bgirl Terra, Mariah Idrissi, Ann Makosinski, Connor Grooms, Rudimental.

My thanks to them and the organisers of this wonderful event.

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

First though, let’s be clear, Rob Greenfield is unlike anyone ‘dude’ you’ve probably met before. This modern day adventurer is a campaigner of a different kind and his motivation is not to conquer his environment but to treat it kindly and bring us to our senses so that we do the same. His book ‘Dude Making a Difference’ is the account of his 104-day trip, riding a bamboo bicycle, coast to coast across America while raising funds for ‘1% for the planet‘. This would be challenging enough for most people but Rob uses his journey to demonstrate what low-impact living looks like, which in turn raises the question – what effect does high-impact living having on our environment?

As if the journey wasn’t challenging enough Rob also created a list of rules which limited his ability to rely on the modern world to support him as he travelled. He pledged that he would create as little waste as possible (and carry it with him), would only eat locally grown produce or food he found in dumpsters, would use natural sources of water for bathing and solar energy for his computer and phone. He also set his intention to keep a positive mindset and refrain from swearing, alcohol and drugs. To the reader, it may seem that he set himself up for failure before he even started and perhaps this is one of the reasons the book is intriguing from the outset.

Rob kept notes and took photos of his journey as he travelled and many of these appear in the book along with stories of the people he met along the way. Frequently, he turned down invitations to sleep in a comfortable bed and have a hot shower, choosing instead to sleep in outside in his tent. These must surely have been tempting propositions that few of us could have resisted? I loved the fact that Rob took with him ‘seed-bombs’ of native wild flowers to plant along his way which left me the romantic notion there is a blooming Greenfield trail that stretches across America, the only evidence he left of his presence.

It was Rob’s intention to get our attention, not to him but to his message and he succeeded. He used extreme methods to let us know that we only need to make a slight change in order to create an enormous difference and I believe him. Perhaps the book should come with a warning that it will cause you to change because I’m sure it will. As Rob brings things into our awareness we can no longer be ignorant of the facts and this gives us the responsibility of choice. Few, if any of us could attempt to take the journey that Rob did, or live the way he does, but we can change a little and this is Rob’s point. He doesn’t want us to make radical changes but subtle ones, which will benefit us all.

I can’t help but wonder if Rob’s cheery, optimistic, resilient, humorous and energetic nature is partly because of the lifestyle he leads? He makes a great case for living a simple, mindful life, in touch with nature. As an Applied Positive Psychologist I can’t help wondering whether saving the planet might also save its inhabitants from stress, worry and depression. Maybe Rob provides us with the example of why ‘less is more’? I highly recommend you buy this book for yourself and friends and members of your family especially as Rob is donating 100% of the proceeds to grassroots environmental nonprofits.

Rob Greenfield provides information, hope and inspiration to encourage and educate and he has come a long way since he set out on his bamboo bicycle on his ‘impossible’ mission. I recently met up with my virtual friend when he invited me as a guest to hear his presentation at the TEDxTeen event at O2 arena. His influence is spreading far and wide, encouraging us to make a small difference so that collectively we can create a huge change. Rob Greenfield really is, a ‘Dude Making a Difference’!

Lesley Lyle MAPP Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

I’ve just spent a week with a group of wonderful people in a log cabin within the beautiful countryside of the New Forest. We were gathered there on a training course, assimilating new information and improving our coaching skills. As often happens in these circumstances, a great deal of our learning came from the sharing of our personal stories and experiences.

A common theme which came up time and again, was the subject of age. The group was represented by people in an age range of 20+ to 60+ years, and it was interesting to hear the different perspectives on age and how one’s age can have both a positive and negative effect in professional and personal relationships. Exactly how, we wondered, would our views on age differ and so the invitation to write a few words about “At My Age” was extended and here are the results.

Steve Sharkey, Age 49
I’ve never asked so much of my body, I’m probably in the healthiest condition I’ve ever been in my life. Where once I demanded results that never seemed to come, I now respect where I am, physically and mentally — working in harmony as a whole person. This attitude of oneness has allowed me to run a marathon, follow this with a half marathon a week later and set a personal best on a half marathon the following month. I would not trade in what I have learned to have back any of the years of investment I’ve made.

Anna, Age 59
Growing into a place where things are clearer. Being able to react more slowly to less, to understand that only a few things really matter.

Knowing that listening is so often more rewarding than talking. Celebrating each day that I can go running in the countryside smoothly and without pain. Spending time just being grateful for all the many good things in my life and appreciating how lucky I am.

Feeling fantastic that I’m still exploring and learning. Relishing my optimism and positive outlook.
Trusting my judgment more readily. Being kinder to myself and allowing myself to be praised by others with grace and a smile.

Valuing time with my friends and family. Treasuring the time with my 96-year-old father.

Vivienne Goldstein, Age 61
At 21 I thought I knew so much and then at 40 I realized I knew nothing… I’m just beginning.

I am now 61.  I was dreading my 60th birthday.  It coincided with my 40th wedding anniversary.  My husband and I were waking up on the days leading to our party laughing and saying to each other “this is ridiculous — how did this happen?”

Very surprisingly, I am thoroughly enjoying my age.  I get a free Oystercard, I get discounted travel on national trains, I get discount at the cinema.  I have even been ID’d twice on the tube because the Ticket Inspectors thought I was a fraud!  Yay! I am fortunate as, at my age, I am able to exercise regularly, I have good posture, a positive energy, a curiosity and desire for adventure, and a big smile … this all leads to good health both physical and mental … and that’s where I am now.

I finally am feeling comfortable in my skin.  Joyous!

Jenni Winter, Age 31
Burn Out — Young People are not immune!
At age 28 I was “a high flying, talented young individual showing great potential and fast tracking towards an Executive position,” so I was told. My role was a Global Talent Management Consultant and I was pretty much “burnt out” already. I was even tasked to develop a strategy for the company; who wanted to attract, support and fast track young talented people. How then did I manage to burn out in a company that was said such great things about young employees? The reality was that young people were really there to be working very long hours and moved around the world because they had no ties or important lives outside of work. One executive actually told me that “young people didn’t have families and so they shouldn’t complain about very long hours or unfeasibly large workloads if they want to progress.” Sadly burn out and stress are not in any way prejudiced by age. Bodies release the same hormones no matter how old you are and they have the same cumulative and degenerative effect. Needless to say — I left that same company at the age of 29, set up my own business and recovered. I’m now 31 with a very successful business, on my own terms!

Ric Hayden, Age 38
When I was in my early twenties I knew I knew everything, then in my late twenties I realized I actually knew nothing. Since then I have spent my time finding out stuff. Age is all in our minds, I have spent time with wise old owls who have only spent a short time here and then also spent time with narrow minded people who have had long experiences. It is our attitude towards age that keeps us “young,” or old in the case of a few. Feel good about yourself, keep you mind and body fit, go out and have some experiences.

Charlotte Rose, Age 28
Facebook tells me marriage and babies are what’s happening at my age. There seems to be expectations at my age — to be an expert, have a title, earn a ton, buy a house and settle down. Yet, I still face comments from older professionals about what’s not possible because of my age — and I find it almost funny that age is still being correlated to expected experience and capability.

At my age I see possibilities. At 21 I was ready to eat the world, fearless to try anything, chasing every experience and a fab career. At my age, I’ve lived a little… fallen over at a few hurdles and gotten back up. That learning allows me to see what’s possible and head to it with humility. Life’s no longer a race but a journey. I realized I just didn’t like where my road was heading — I’ve had a moment to step out, redesign who I want to be, what I want to do and contribute — and I’m building a new road excited to explore what’s now possible.

Andy Steel, Age 37
“What?” No kids and never married at your age!” she said “Is there something wrong with you?
“At my age?” I replied…

At my age of 37 it is typical that I would have fallen into the above trap but I’m haven’t and I’m super proud of that. Although my gut instinct tells me that this is okay, the input into my brain received from the culture and environment around me, highly suggests the opposite. I’ve found since leaving school that teachers, parents, family and significant others have frequently suggested that “at my age,” whatever that might be, I should be doing or being x, y or z.

The problem is every time I have done what they suggested (because I believed them at the time), I felt like a part of me was dying. This resulted in me creating scenarios that sabotaged situations so that I could escape in order to remain true to myself.

So now, I listen to my heart as well as my brain and they work together in unison beautifully and as a consequence, I sit comfortably with the meaning that I give the number on my life.

In conclusion, it seems every age has its challenges but none of them (in this blog anyway) refer to conditions which are actually created by our age, only our perception of it. Would life be easier if we became less age aware and more in touch with more relevant issues? What do you think at your age?

Lesley Lyle MAPP Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

“When you’re smiling the whole world smiles with you and when you’re laughing, the sun comes shining through” sang Louis Armstrong. I believe this wholeheartedly and I do whatever I can to bring smiling and laughter into my life and the lives of others as much as I can, whether that is through teaching positive psychology, running free community laughter sessions, or writing about the subject.

Smiling connects us

If I smile at you, you are almost guaranteed to smile back because humans are built that way. Mirror neurons cause you to react to my smile and a signal is sent to the muscles that control your smile. Even when you don’t think you have returned a smile, research shows that the muscles associated with smiling are affected and your brain releases chemicals associated with happiness. Therefore, no smile is ever wasted.  Chances are though, if I smile at you, you will smile back and you will feel a positive benefit as a consequence and so will I. Smiling must be the easiest way to feel better and look better (people who smile are rated as more attractive by both sexes). So, really there isn’t a reason why we shouldn’t smile frequently.

What a difference a smile can make

Just think of times in your life when a smile made a difference. A smile can tell you that you are welcome, you are loved, you are appreciated, you are accepted, you are valued, you are safe. In a perfect world, everyone would smile frequently and we would all feel happier as a result. The World is not perfect though and there are some places where smiling and laughter are not experienced very often. Understandably, when people live in war torn countries and feel oppressed, hungry or stressed, then smiling may not feel as natural as it should, but sadly this can happen in countries where people are living in what would be regarded by many as a privileged environment. Isn’t this sad?

A Million Smiles

Mike Worsman thinks it’s sad too and he wants to do something about it. He has created an incredibly ambitious project called A Million Smiles that promises to make positive changes in the world through the power of our smiling.

First things first

The first stage of Mike’s ‘A Million Smiles’ campaign was to build a global community by sharing photos, videos and stories which have been viewed by more than 25 million people. Next he is going to create a feature film and a series of books to be released in 2017/2018. The long term vision is to establish a mass social movement of caring people who want to help others to flourish in whatever circumstances they live in.

You can get involved

You can get involved in this wonderful initiative in a number of ways. Visit the website A Million Smiles to find out more and I hope, like me, you’ll will be inspired to become part of a community that cares about making the world a better place for all of us.

A really happy birthday

To celebrate his 30^th birthday, Mike launched a Kickstarter project to raise AUD $40,000 to create ‘The Happiest Book and Photo Exhibition on Earth’.

Watch his video below to learn more about this initiative and please consider supporting it.

And smile !

If you do nothing else, please share a smile today. It could make the world of difference to someone – including you !

Lesley Lyle MAPP Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes

If you set out to find it you may find yourself on a long journey that frustratingly takes you further away from where you want to be. Many people have found their quest for happiness was a futile venture that resulted in disappointment and defeat and consequently brought them the opposite of what they sought – unhappiness!

It’s a process

The reason the search for happiness frequently fails is because happiness is not a tangible asset, it’s a subjective experience and part of a dynamic process that results in the outcome of happiness. The secret to happiness then, is to discover the ingredients that are necessary for this process to develop and then to seek these out instead. By doing so, you are will increase your chances of success.

Seeking what you desire

For instance, imagine someone really desires a cake, one that is a creamy, chocolaty, gooey – centred, sweet delight.  Mmmm, they think about it about how it would look and smell and how that delicious sweetness would taste in their mouth as it melted on their tongue. They visualise the first bite as they sink their teeth into that soft, enticing delicacy, savouring every crumb, and licking their lips to enjoy the very last morsel.

Now, imagine this person knows that this cake exists because they other people have described their experience of it. Full of excitement and anticipation they find their way to a location where they think it exists and start to look for it. They open cupboards but the first few are empty or contain other objects that are of no interest.  They keep searching but in vain, as time and time again they fail to find what they are looking for. At first they are able to maintain an air of optimism but after a while they begin to feel disappointment and eventually they lose all hope of ever finding the cake they have imagined and desperately wanted. Finally, they give up and accept the fact that this cake is not for them. They may think, perhaps I don’t deserve it, perhaps I was never destined to have it in the first place and perhaps it’s just not meant to be? They feel dejected, disappointed, frustrated and maybe even a little bitter and resentful – after all it’s really not fair!

The bigger picture

You see, when they looked for cake, all they found were things like butter, eggs, flour, icing sugar, bars of chocolate, tubs of cream, pots and pans, spoons and bowls. In a cruel twist of fate, they even came across a book called ‘recipes’ which had a picture of the perfect cake they so wanted.

And so it is with happiness. To experience true happiness, you first have to have in your possession certain ingredients and resources that you wll need. What these are vary between each person but what they have in common is that they are the things that give life meaning and purpose, which ultimately results in the feelings of happiness.

Have your cake and eat it

Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes and sometimes you can have your cake and eat it!  You may even be lucky enough to enjoy it with a cherry on the top (and a few sprinkles!).

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter to learn more about the science of happiness, health and success in life

Lesley Lyle MAPP: Author, Writer, Positive Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Associate lecturer, Laughter Facilitator Director Positive Psychology Learning. Follow her on Twitter & Facebook

Creating positive change through the application of science based processes